I raced through the pages of Gunther’s memoir about his son, Johnny, not so much to reach the end, but to see whether his experience compared in any way with Matt’s. Funny how a life lived over a half a century ago had so many parallels to Matt’s:
- Johnny’s diagnosis with glioblastoma at a young age,
- the preservation of his faculties throughout his illness,
- his insistence on completing school after his diagnosis then ultimately graduating,
- the constant parade of doctors, hospital visits, and searches for treatments to arrest the disease,
- the moments of euphoria followed shortly thereafter by devastating setbacks,
- the manner in which Johnny journalled about his disease,
- Johnny’s conviction to take each day and fill it with love
All of these are things we experienced with Matt. And dare I add several more as well: Johnny’s and Matt’s exceptional intelligence, profound humility, and empathy for others. I participated in a brain cancer support group during Matt’s illness, and I was struck by how gifted the people were who were visited by the disease. I met not a few doctors, lawyers, and educators in the group – a remarkable set of folks by any measure.
I would note one profound difference in the stories, however, and that concerns faith. Johnny’s parents were somewhat equivocal in their beliefs, and exposed their son to many different belief systems without espousing any one in particular. For his part, I think Johnny did come to believe in God, and thank him for his gifts. Shortly after his diagnosis Johnny authored what he called the “Unbeliever’s Prayer” which his father reprints in the last pages of his book, and which I’ll include below. Johnny’s mom, Frances, speaks more about God in the short chapter included at the end. She appreciated that God did remain with them throughout their journey, but to her mind, God was as powerless as they to the forces and circumstances at play, and could only offer a certain amount of morale support:
During Johnny’s long illness, I prayed continually to God, naturally. God was always there. He sat beside us during the doctors’ consultations, as we waited the long vigils outside the operating room, as we rejoiced in the miracle of a brief recovery, as we agonized when hope ebbed away, and the doctors confessed there was no longer anything they could do. They were helpless, and we were helpless, and in His way, God, standing by us in our hour of need, God in His infinite wisdom and mercy and loving kindness, God in all his omnipotence, was helpless too.
Frances Gunther, from “Death Be Not Proud”
For me, and I believe for Matt as well, God was not a helpless bystander in his journey, but a guide, comforter, and confidant – you might call him a Good Shepherd. 🙂 Prayers were offered and answered. Outcomes that were unexpected came to be. My own feeble mind can’t offer an explanation for it all, but my faith can. As we sing in the Tantum Ergo: “Faith for all defects supplying, Where the feeble senses fail.”
I can’t say what any others might take away from this book, but in my own case it stands as a father’s wonderful tribute to a son who made the most of the precious life he was given, even in the face of a terminal illness. In my own simple way, that’s precisely what I’m trying to do as I write this blog.
Thanks, John Gunther, for sharing your son’s story with us.
Unbeliever’s Prayer
Almighty God
John Gunther Jr, May, 1946
Forgive me for my agnosticism;
For I shall try to keep it gentle, not cynical,
nor a bad influence.
And O!
If Thou art truly in the heavens,
accept my gratitude
for all Thy gifts,
and I shall try
to fight the good fight. Amen.